Might be a slow process after all

Looks like we're going to have an uneventful plane ride to Texas this Thursday after all :). Jose and I can breathe a sigh of relief now that we know I haven't started dilating yet. Still, at 36 weeks, her head is at -1 station, she's head-down, and I'm 50% effaced. Things are a'changin', slowly but surely. Well, maybe I shouldn't say that. The pregnant body is very unpredictable; every pregnancy is so different, as is every individual. Who knows when this little girl will decide to grace us with her presence. Hopefully it won't be when Jose has to come back to Boston for his finals when I'm 38.5 weeks :/. Right now, that is my only real concern...but even then, it's not the end of the world. I've had to get used to the idea. It wasn't easy at first, but I really couldn't ask for things to be better as far as the health of the baby and myself go. :) More updates later...

Sooner rather than later, I think ;)

Posts are naked without pictures, so here's another little somethin' girlie sewn for Mirabel. Blanket and cozy pants, featuring Hello Kitty; having a little girl gives me an excuse to continue my Sanrio obsession!

Braxton-hicks have been messing with me since about 16 weeks, but lately they've become more painful and they've changed. Before, they'd just cause my belly to tighten up, now they're causing pain way below my belly, and today I started having some lower back pain/cramping with them too. I only have bad ones about 4 times a day, very spread out; the usual tightening ones happen about 10 times in one day though. Every time I get the ones that are lower down and in my back, I wonder "Is this it?!". I'm only 35.5 weeks, but I have a feeling this baby will be here around 37 weeks. Watch, she'll probably arrive at 41 just because I said that :P. Monday I go back to the doc and get checked out! She'll also do a quick ultrasound to make sure Mirabel's head down. I haven't seen my baby since about 20 weeks, can't wait to see her!

...And Thursday we fly south, to Houston. Jose is worried that Mirabel will come before then; we are both ready to get outta here! We need the vitamin D! :P Right now we are just in "let's do everything to avoid labor" mode, so I'm no longer walking a mile to my doctor appointments/church :). Full term isn't until 37 weeks, but these early contractions have me a bit concerned that it might happen before then.

Thursday... just a week away! That's also the day we (or I, yep me!) will be buying a car. I can't believe it. I don't like the idea of having more debt (undergrad debt is still being paid off), but I am thrilled that I qualified for a CR-V loan with Honda, without needing a co-signer! This is progress for me, I feel like a big girl now! Of course, that isn't the mark of adulthood, but there is something very liberating about being financially independent. All my student loans required co-signers (because I didn't have a credit history/job), but thanks to my husband (who does a fantastic job of paying the bills on time) my credit score is pretty darn good! I don't mind making the money, but I do not like paying the bills... I leave that to him, and he enjoys it, thankfully :)! There will be no Forester this time. Turns out the middle seat in the back (which is supposed to be safest for babies) doesn't work very well with car seats because it has a strange hump. I read on a few forums that this is a pretty significant problem, and I didn't like the sound of it. I called Subaru and they confirmed my fear; their manual even recommends that children be placed on the right or left, by either side door, because of the hump. How strange and disappointing. Hondas are family-friendly cars, though, you can easily and safely fit 3 car seats in the back of a CR-V, so we're going with that one instead :D.

The next few updates will be more exciting, I think :)...

Weekend Projects and Sunshine

When it comes to boutique items, I am guilty of wanting to purchase more than I should. I can easily spend hours browsing all of the colorful handmade items on Etsy. Whether it's a pair of button earrings or an adorable purse with fun fabric, it's all delicious eye candy to me. Sometimes, to save a few bucks (or many ;), I actually try to make these items. I usually don't have the "skillz" or materials, but I work with what I've got.

I just don't feel right splurging on little treats like this very often, especially with a kiddo on the way. And I really don't see myself spending $60 on a sweet looking handbag.

Oh! But Little Odd Forest has such cute handbags and totes, click here to see what I mean. Who can resist? (I can, honestly folks, but let's just say I can't. ;)

Problem? Yes. Solution...

This past weekend I TRIED to make a similar handbag/diaper tote for Mirabel. I have so many random scraps of fabric. And sometimes I give in and buy a fat quarter or two of irresistible/adorable Japanese fabric, from Etsy, of course. I just so happened to have a little more than a fat quarter of pink nesting doll fabric, purchased earlier on in the pregnancy for Mirabel (you see, I was justified in making this "wise" investment ;). But the fabric was so cute, I was hesitant to cut into it... until I spotted the Odd Forest handbags!

Definitely not perfect. It's got its flaws and I'm still learnin'. But, by golly, I had a whole lotta fun making this bag. I will add that my seam ripper came to my rescue many times; it's my new best friend :).

Here are a few close-ups of the final product, including the nesting doll fabric. I added a few big pockets to the inside, too (can't have too many of those, especially with a baby!). The orange buttons came all the way from Bulgaria! They're from one of last summer's Etsy purchases :).

After finishing up the bag, Jose and I felt it was time for a sunshine break! Thankfully, we've got plenty of sun these days :). A nice change from the dreary weather. I think it's safe to say that spring has sprung.

I love pink trees. If only they tasted like cotton candy!

I almost forgot! We have a new neighborhood pal, meet Al. He's the albino squirrel that lives on our block :).

A little post about childbirth (and maternity pic)

Before and After :)...

I'm 33 1/2 weeks! I can actually say that next month I will be holding my tiny girl for the first time! It still seems unreal, but the third trimester pangs are kicking in, so (aside from the belly) I really can't hide from the reality of this pregnancy any longer! I get tired very easily; have indigestion and bloating (there is no room in there!); get out of breath just taking a shower, and often find myself craving afternoon naps instead of strange snacks. But I welcome these feelings. I really can't complain because everything is NORMAL. Normal is the very word I hoped would apply to my pregnancy from day one (when I wasn't sure if it would last), and thankfully it has and still does.

Now I've really got to start thinking about and preparing for the big delivery day!

I'm not going to lie and say that I think it'll be a breeze. But I will say that I do feel more at ease these days. How can that be? Well, a few weeks ago I started listening to this series: Hypnobabies: Hypnosis for Childbirth. It's required a lot of dedication on my part (even Jose's) and some time (about an hour or so a day), but this is something I decided to fully throw myself into because I really want to have an unmedicated labor/delivery. Here are a few reasons why: I'd like to walk around when I'm in labor (I tend to feel more sick/in pain when I'm stuck in bed); I'd like to be able to get up and take care of Mirabel right after she's born; most pain medications make me feel terrible (migraines, etc.) and epidurals tend to lower blood pressure (mine has already been very, very low throughout this pregnancy). Oh yeah, and here's another BIG reason (sorry if this is TMI) but your chance of tearing is lower when you aren't numb.

I've watched a few YouTube videos of women giving birth using Hypnobabies and they're so encouraging. That's what first convinced me to purchase the CDs. So much of what we see on TV regarding birth is scary and threatening. Women are portrayed as out of control; they're scared and screaming. I know it isn't an easy process, but it's nice to see birth portrayed as something positive every once in awhile. Earlier this morning I came across this uplifting post. Though I don't watch the Kardashians, I was curious to see for myself what the blogger was talking about. I headed on over to the link she sited and watched snippets of the popular birth episode. I have to say, Nicely done reality TV! Like the blogger notes, I have no idea whether or not Kourtney's labor was medicated, but even if it was I don't judge her (or anyone) for choosing a medicated delivery. My choice is for completely personal reasons and I understand that everyone's situation is unique. I think it's wonderful when women are able to enjoy birthing their babies, whether they're medicated or not.

So as I make a list of what I'll be taking to the hospital, I accept that I'm going into uncharted territory (at least, I've never been there :P). If I need a c-section for medical reasons, I accept it. If the labor is longer than expected and I get tired and want an epidural, I won't feel like a failure at all. Like everything else, I'm just going to do my best. Bringing a baby into the world is always a great miraculous event worth celebrating, no matter how it's done.

Mirabel's homemade wardrobe (a very small part of it ;)

I was joking with Jose yesterday, telling him that I wanted to make Mirabel a homemade outfit to wear when she's born, or coming home from the hospital, that way I can say that everything is 100% homemade :D (I plan on taking a picture and adding that caption to it ;).

I made the shorts (at the very bottom) yesterday. They are a bit loud :P! I couldn't help but laugh when I showed them to Jose and he asked if she was going to wear them outside of the house! I like to call them her Peewee Herman Shorts :D. Gotta get 'em while they're young, I tell ya. I made quite a few mistakes on these shorts, mostly because I could not figure out how to actually put the pattern together, and then I got tired of 'em and tried to rush through the final steps, skipping some. Putting on the "invisible elastic band" was sort of a struggle, too, which is why I only put the elastic on the tummy part. I was initially hoping to follow this tutorial for bloomers to the T, but, like I said...didn't have fun with the elastic :P.

Thankfully, Made By Rae's Itty Bitty Dress Pattern was simple enough for me :)! It still took awhile to put this newborn dress together (my first dress, ever!), but I really had fun sewing on the extra details and making it extra girlie for Mirabel.

Sunny Days!

Enjoying sunny days with a smile and growing belly...

The second semester in Jose's second year is almost coming to an end. We enjoyed a sunny spring break this past week, taking it easy and basking in the gorgeous sun (a real treat for those of us who live in usually-dreary-in-late-winter Massachusetts). 72 degrees was the high yesterday--that's enough of a reason for me to write a celebratory blog post and share pictures of our afternoon picnic on the Charles :).
Days like that make me miss California, and long for the sunny/warm afternoons of Austin, Texas... Thankfully we'll be getting plenty of vitamin D very soon, because we'll be spending quite a bit of time hosting barbecues in the backyard of our cozy summer cottage (yep, we got the cottage :)!

4 more weeks until we're Texas bound. We'll be spending these last few weeks tying up any loose ends and preparing for our busy summer. At 32 weeks, I'm starting to get a little nervous about the whole birthing process. But we're mostly excited because there is so much to look forward to. Like a baby...and a new car!

We've been car-less for the past couple of years. We thought it'd be tough having a car in Boston, so we sold ours before moving here. We were under the impression that we'd have to pay a thousand bucks or more for a parking spot near our apartment, thankfully that isn't the case (turns out there are plenty of free spots nearby). We've recently started getting a little nervous imagining ourselves car-less with a tiny baby. It isn't tough getting around when it's just the two of us; hop in a taxi or rent a zip car, no problem. But try doing that with a newborn when it's 10 degrees out (and they're sick, or crying, or just cold...) and things get a little complicated! We've decided on a Subaru Forester, at least I think we have. It'll be our first family car :).

Speaking of family, that's one thing we really miss living over here alone. Spending a few years away from pretty much everyone we're related to has really changed my perspective on things. I used to think that living far from relatives wasn't a big deal, mostly because I spent half my life living away from extended relatives. But now that we're having a kiddo, and I'm seeing how excited both our families are about the new addition, it makes me sad that our little girl won't have any of her grandmas or grandpas around the first year. Not only that, but it does get lonely when its cold and snowy out on Christmas Day, and it's just the two of us celebrating the holidays together. Of course, having friends over for dinner is fun. But there's really something to having a healthy relationship with those we call mom, dad, sister, brother, etc. From a distance, Jose and I can sense the excitement of our moms. They'll both be first-time grandmas (so you can only imagine how happy they are about this little girl!). It's so cute when my mom calls to tell me about this frilly dress she's about to buy, or when my mom-in-law talks to us on Skype and shows us the spanish fairytales she bought to read to Mirabel (we've decided to change the spelling of her name).

Our families aren't perfect, but both Jose and I have come to appreciate the way they show their love for us. It's such a blessing to know that when we step off the airplane, there will be someone there to lovingly greet us and accept us for who we are. Now that we're starting our own family, we think about how we'll mesh our extended and immediate families together; how holidays will be celebrated, how vacations will be centered on family, and how we hope to help those in our families who've struggled to make it on their own. I'm realizing more and more that it's impossible to be independent without being connected to family. The security their love provides is essential. Even if that love isn't shown perfectly, you take what they have to offer and gain even more by giving without judging or holding a grudge. Everyone wins that way.

Making the necessary preparations

These past few days, the snowfall has been nonstop. I live in a snow globe, it seems. So many tiny snowflakes. Then the snow melts and gets dirty. Its perfect shade of powdered sugar-white turns shadow-gray with flecks of dirt, with time. But for now, I'm enjoying sitting on my bed staring out the window and down my street. I'm daydreaming but still very much looking forward to the beautiful flowers that are sure to show in a matter of weeks. Sometimes that's what keeps us all going: knowing spring will come and we'll feel the warmth of the sun again.

Mirabelle will be born in the spring, I don't believe this is a coincidence. She is our little miracle and another way God is shining light into my life. I often think about what it will be like to give her a hug; what her baby soft skin will feel and smell like, and how her tiny toes will wiggle. Thinking of her in this way makes me feel like a protective mama bear, and I don't want her to know pain. Ever. But, unfortunately, there will be sadness and I won't be able to shield her from all of life's disappointments. This is why I pray for her soul, though she hasn't even opened her eyes yet. I pray that God will strengthen our tiny soul and give her the wisdom to see his beauty, even if and especially when life gets ugly. I also ask for wisdom...to be the kind of mom she deserves. I love her; we're already close -- that's a good start.

My fear of seeing her sad is rooted in my own fear of sadness. Granted, we've all had our fill of it. I don't feel jaded as a result of my experiences, though. The rough moments were unavoidable and not a result of any major mistakes I made, just part of the bigger plan. I see that now. I don't know if I'd be able to appreciate life as much as I do today, were it not for those rough patches.

Though Jose and I hope to provide the best for Mirabelle, we do realize there is no such thing as the perfect childhood, or the ideal family (or flawless parents!). We are all dysfunctional in our own way. Still, if we remember that God can meet us where we are and that he isn't judging us for our weaknesses, then the healing can begin. It's a matter of moving forward by acknowledging our struggles and blessings, all at once. Seeing the glass half full, because life is beautiful at times, while also recognizing the same glass as half empty, because that's the portion He's meant to fill. We wouldn't need grace or love, otherwise.

So here I am. Still flawed with a quite few scars, but very much ready to love my new baby girl. I've bought her cute little clothes, arranged her side of the room, made hospital arrangements, and prayed for a safe and speedy delivery. There's only so much I can plan for, though. I'm acknowledging that while also giving God credit for his omniscience. I'm depending on him to carry me the rest of the way. He's already brought me this far and blessed me with this beautiful babe (certainly more than I ever expected, because my body is just as flawed as my human spirit). He'll lead the way and we'll follow, taking baby steps... literally :).

I'm ready to be a mom.