Little Revelations

There are little moments in life that let you know you're doing something right. They can easily go unnoticed.

A few days ago, Mirabel went up to her dad's office door and called out for him. It was the middle of the week, some time in the late afternoon while he was at work.

A few days later, he walked out the back door to take the trash to the curb. She began crying pretty heavily as soon as the door shut. She stood by the door until he returned.

This morning she woke up too early. Usually she won't go back to sleep without me, but she cuddled up against him and fell right back to sleep.

Little girls don't love their dads like this unless they feel secure with them. I would know.

She has something so wonderful. It makes me feel like I've done something right.

The cycle has been broken; that's what I've always wanted for my family.

Perfect

Found this shared on FB...tear-jerker. More here.

Sweet Story

Life has been crazy-busy lately. I don't have much time to blog at the moment but I wanted to share this with you all; my aunt shared it on FB. I love this story!

It's no coincidence

This is from Romans 12...
6 In his grace, God has given us different gifts for doing certain things well. So if God has given you the ability to prophesy, speak out with as much faith as God has given you. 7 If your gift is serving others, serve them well. If you are a teacher, teach well. 8 If your gift is to encourage others, be encouraging. If it is giving, give generously. If God has given you leadership ability, take the responsibility seriously. And if you have a gift for showing kindness to others, do it gladly.

9 Don’t just pretend to love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Hold tightly to what is good. 10 Love each other with genuine affection,[e] and take delight in honoring each other. 11 Never be lazy, but work hard and serve the Lord enthusiastically.[f] 12 Rejoice in our confident hope. Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying. 13 When God’s people are in need, be ready to help them. Always be eager to practice hospitality.

Sometimes we get distracted. I get distracted by my own negativity a lot of the time. I'm missing out, aren't I? The verses above prove that. We all have different gifts we're supposed to use. And whatever they are, love should be at the core of those gifts, and our actions. No exceptions.

Funny, I used to think some people were better at showing love than others, and that that was ok. But the truth is, though we all have different gifts, we are all called to love sincerely. If we're not good at loving, it isn't because we weren't blessed with that gift, it's because we haven't embraced our gift properly. But before embracing this gift, we need to learn how to become like the giver, so that when we share our gifts with others we do so with the same kind of love.

It's no coincidence that those verses follow each other. I never really noticed the significance before, though.

Encouragement

I DVRd an interview-type show on the new Oprah channel a few days ago. Maya Angelou was the honored guest last week; I finally got a chance to watch it yesterday. I've read a few of her poems, and until yesterday I appreciated her work from a distance, but this special captured her strength and beauty as a person so well that I now respect Maya Angelou on an entirely different level.

She's more than familiar with suffering. But she doesn't present herself as a victim, and she doesn't just discuss how she's overcome the difficulties she's experienced (from being raped at age 7, to being mute until age 6 and undergoing emotional abuse because of it). Her way of communicating reflects the kind of strength that I lack. She is a wise woman, and I'm glad I got to hear her speak--even if it was behind a television screen.

Toward the end of the show, she shared a quote that I hadn't heard before, and then she went on to explain the truth behind it. This is how it's re-quoted on this site:

"If a human being dreams a great dream, dares to love somebody; if a human being dares to be Martin King, or Mahatma Gandhi, or Mother Theresa, or Malcolm X; if a human being dares to be bigger than the condition into which she or he was born—it means so can you. And so you can try to stretch, stretch, stretch yourself so you can internalize, 'Homo sum, humani nil a me alienum puto. I am a human being, nothing human can be alien to me.' That's one thing I'm learning." — Dr. Maya Angelou

The part that wasn't included on the site resonated with me most. When she first shared the quote, "I am a human being, nothing human can be alien to me," she brought up some of the worst of us. Those who have committed the most heinous crimes, including "the bigot and the batterer". We refer to those crimes as "inhuman". The irony is, the crimes were committed by a human. She explained that we all have the potential to commit those wrongs, because we are all human. Considering we're all sinners, that's not a difficult concept to grasp mentally. Still, when I heard the quote I felt guilty because I knew that in my heart I often fail. The playing field is level, though. It's discouraging to hear, and to believe that the person on death row is our spiritual twin brother...

But then she brought up another truth. Mother Theresa is also our sister. Inspired by the love of God in her heart, she shared so much of herself with those in need and impacted all of us, directly and indirectly.

The beauty in the quote is what else it reveals: we have a choice! We are capable of so much evil, and so much good. Having God in our lives liberates us--that's what the apostles in the Bible say; on the show, Maya Angelou also said many times that "love liberates". I can't ignore this key verse, either "Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love" (1 John 4:8). The two are one in the same. So it makes sense that if we are lacking Love we are limited in our choices, and how we behave.

I guess I can say that I grasp a bit more how understanding God's love truly liberates us; we're able to rise above ourselves, or the innate evil in us (as discouraging as that word is), and love like he loved us. After all, isn't that essentially what the true peacemakers, from Mother Theresa to Ghandi, were able to do?

When somebody loves you, it's no good unless they love you all the way...

A few nights ago, we shared a tasty dinner with friends. We talked about a few different topics, like marriage, and how some folks rush into it without considering the amount of dedication required to make it work. Though I know marriage isn't for everyone, I can honestly say that I'm learning more about myself as an individual now that I'm married than before, when I was single. I think I am one of those people who was meant to get married. That definitely doesn't mean that marriage life comes naturally; like in many other areas of life, I usually am my own worst enemy.

I am very insecure. We all have our personal insecurities, and though I certainly have my bad hair days, or days when I wish my teeth were straighter or my face was blemish free, I am more insecure about feeling accepted as a person. I think, sometimes, that it's more difficult to get along with someone who is insecure about their personality, or inner self, than their outer appearance. Though I'm not a plastic surgery advocate in the least bit, sometimes I feel like I could really use an attitude lift. And by lift, I mean it. A lift in how I view myself--an ability to see myself the way God sees me, so that constructive criticism can be just that, constructive.

The irony of it all is that I am very critical of myself, and I highly doubt (when I'm in my right mind) that anyone else is as critical of me. Kind of like when we look in the mirror, see a tiny zit, and suddenly feel like it's taking over, pushing our eyes and nose aside, growing larger by the second like the mutant that it is[n't]. We are completely convinced that everyone can see it. Of course, we only feel that way because paranoia has driven us to look in every mirror (or reflection on any window!) so many times that we've memorized exactly where the spot rests on our face.

Believe me, I have been there and done it! The details say it all. It's a fact, we are all flawed, physically and emotionally. I wouldn't even say that I magnify my character flaws that much, but rather, I magnify the extent to which those flaws are a part of who I am. So as a result, who I am is someone who isn't worth loving--because the flaws are so terrible. And of course, when I receive any kind of criticism, it strikes the most insecure aspect of my character. I decided, "That's it, this person doesn't love me because I'm unlovable. Obviously, if they have to criticize me it's because I'm not good enough." The criticism, though constructive, becomes the sad excuse I use to distance myself. It was once a survival mechanism, but now it's a stumbling block. I become distant and angry, and just no fun.

Feeling good enough is something I've struggled with since I was a kid. I'm embarrassed to admit it, but that character flaw expresses itself in very childish ways sometimes (or I should say, I express myself in very childish ways). Why can't I get it through my head that I'm 26 and not 2! Yes, I know I'm small(as far as my stature goes!) but I can be bigger than that.

When someone who I don't know very well offers a bit of constructive criticism, it isn't such a big deal. I get irked, but I blow it off because I feel like I haven't lost anything. But when, say, my spouse suggests that I may need a reality check because I'm being ridiculous--then I feel it like a paper cut that's been soaked in lime juice and dipped in salt water.

I'm going to be honest. I value sincere relationships. I really don't like being fake or making it seem like I have a perfect life, or a perfect anything. But on that same note, there are only a few people I am very close to. Mostly, because of this insecurity I have. Jose and I were very open and sincere with each other when we were dating, and we still are. I love how that kind of sincerity led to our marriage. But with sincerity comes the honest truth, and the tearing off of the bandaids. Open wounds and honest truth--now that's like chili on a gaping wound, not a paper cut.

I'll say it again. I was meant to get married. I enjoy the emotional intimacy, and I know that I wouldn't have this kind of opportunity to grow in any other relationship, with anyone else. It's often said that some folks get married with the false belief they'll find completion in their spouse. I didn't give into that way of thinking; I felt complete before getting married. However, what I didn't quite grasp before marriage was that I'd only come to know myself completely with the help of this certain help mate, the one I was meant to marry.

This certain someone (Jose :) would do that by simply (or not so simply) living out his vows, and going the extra mile. Just because we love our spouse "for better or for worse" doesn't mean that we have to stop there. When they are at their worst, the sincerity of our godly love and unconditional companionship should encourage them to go from worse, to better, to best.

I know I'm with the one because I'm learning what it means to be at my best, with him and because of him.

3rd Anniversary :)

We don't get very much sunshine around these parts, these days. But today was an especially sunny day, in every aspect. We celebrated our 3rd year as Mr. and Mrs. A, with our new addition dressed in a new pink outfit (that we picked up from Costco yesterday after signing up for our first membership :).

But before we embarked on our special day's adventure (aka taking a trip to a very delicious and local gluten free bakery, and dropping by a scrumptious bbq place to pick up our dinner), Jose and I exchanged gifts. I received the beautiful flowers above, along with a dark chocolate Toblerone (one of Jose's first dating gifts to me).

I loooove sunflowers (which is why he included those sunny golden flowers above), but roses are an important part of our special day, so Jose included them in the bouquet. He said the color combo reminded him of love and sunshine, and I agree. Roses are special to quite a few people, but a poem about them was included in a portion of wedding vows.

I like giving homemade gifts, but I wanted to give Jose something relevant to our anniversary. This gift didn't require much making, and I'd been wanting to do it for awhile now...

We wrote a portion of our vows; I finally got a chance to print and frame them. Jose's vows to me are on the left, my vows to him are on the right. The middle picture is pretty familiar, isn't it? ;) I had to laugh when I was putting this together. Take a look, my vows are about twice as long as Jose's. I just read a few days ago that women utter quite a few more words than men on a daily basis. I think that definitely applies to our marriage! :D

Jose thought of a fun anniversary idea. He said that, starting this year, we should record a "state of the union" meeting. He said we should discuss the high and low points of the year, so that we can watch the videos every year on our anniversary to see how we've grown as a couple. I love that idea!

More Than 100 Reasons

Yesterday I came across something I really could not relate to.

I don't want to post the link here. I realize that people have a right to express themselves however they want, and I am thankful for that freedom. I also realize that there are some folks who really do not want children, and that is fine too. Because, honestly, there would be many more unhappy people in this world if more children were born to parents who didn't want them.

I'm not promoting anything (political) by saying that. In fact, if you check out my other blog posts, you'll understand my views on everything from family to children. But I still couldn't help but feel a bit put-off by the many claims made in that blog entry. How can anyone confidently make a list of 100 things that they like about never having a child, if they've never had one? They listed everything from having more money, to having a better marriage.

The irony of it all is this: I've found that my life and heart are both richer after having Mirabel. I've also fallen even more in love with Jose after having Mirabel. I've seen how he loves on her, and it just makes my heart melt. No, it certainly isn't always easy being a mom (or dad), but let me tell you, it is so worth it.

I could go through that list and literally offer a rebuttal for every claim. After reading it, I realized that I certainly have more than 100 reasons why I LOVE being a mother. There are definitely more than 100 things I love about Mirabel, too.

Instead of responding to that blog post, I chose to write a poem for Mirabel. True love of any kind can't be captured in a list, or even a poem. But this is just an outline, really. Kind of like what results when you attempt to trace a detailed painting. Anyway, here it is...

If I had to limit myself to 100 things or reasons,
I would take a lesson from God and run my fingers through the wispy strands of hair on your head, and try to count them
but then
I would miss the fine hairs on your ears
and the tiny creases on the soles of your feet, and their softness:
what walking around barefoot on the sand, or the dirt, or on uneven sidewalks will take away.

But I digress. 100 things...

I had to wait ten seconds for the test results, then I was certain you'd be mine. And in the split second following those ten, before you even had 10 fingers and 10 toes, I already had 100 reasons.

Time has always been the thief; memory its rival. But the minute you were born, I realized it was on my side, that only you could steal the better part of me (my heart), and that I'd formed a memory I'd never have to struggle to keep.

No, my freedom has not been taken from me. Instead, it was given to me after 40 long weeks, when I learned to put myself second. I gained a greater understanding of true beauty, then.

I have not lost myself. I have only lost what I never wanted anyway, the part of me that was afraid of loving this much.

As a result, I have far more than 100 reasons.

Lovely poem

It was a rough night last night, actually the past 2 nights have been rough. Poor Mirabel got her dad's bad cold and, with a fever that wouldn't break and a stuffy nose, she refused to sleep. She literally only slept 3 hours in a 24 hour period. Thankfully, her dad, seeing how tired I was, stayed up and held her upright for 4 hours so I could get some rest. AND the poor guy is in the middle of finals; he's yet to start studying for the toughest one that's on Monday.

This may sound silly, but even though times like this are stressful and would've probably made us argue before Mirabel was born, we are closer now that she is here precisely because of these moments, and in the toughest part of these moments. Instead of getting impatient at 2 AM because we're both sleep-deprived, we laugh and dance around in our PJs with dried baby boogers on our clothes, spit up in our bed (actually, mine and Mirabel's bed ;) and just pray that we maintain a tiny bit of our sanity. Instead of worrying about his Corporate Finance final on Monday and getting upset about how he has to sleep so he can study, Jose grabs Mirabel and lets me sleep. No complaints are made, all signs of frustration and concern are non-existent. For 4 hours, he does nothing but tenderly hold his baby in his arms. He can't sleep, because he doesn't want to drop her, I'm sure; he also isn't nearly alert enough to study. But he takes it like a mature, loving, selfless adult; a truly respectable man of God.

I don't know if it's the sleep-deprivation or if I'm just the cheesy, sentimental type. I think it's probably the latter, but I really enjoyed the poem below and wanted to share it with you all...

This poem goes out to the awesome Dads as much as it goes out to loving Moms, biological and spiritual. This is for all of you. I found it on this site. Enjoy.

For All Mothers

This is for all the mothers who froze their buns off on metal bleachers at soccer games instead of watching from cars, so that when their kids asked, "Did you see my goal?" They could say, "Of course, I wouldn't have missed it for the world," and mean it.

This is for all the mothers who have sat up all night with sick children in their arms, wiping up barf laced with Oscar Meyer wieners and cherry Kool-Aid saying, "It's OK honey, Mommy's here."

This is for all the mothers of Kosovo who fled in the night and can't find their children. This is for the mothers who gave birth to babies they'll never see and for the mothers who took those babies and gave them homes.

For all the mothers who run carpools and make cookies and sew Halloween costumes and for all the mothers who don't.

What makes a good mother anyway? Is it patience? Compassion? Broad hips? The ability to nurse a baby, cook dinner, and sew a button on a shirt, all at the same time? Or is it heart? Is it the ache you feel when you watch your son or daughter disappear down the street, walking to school alone for the very first time?

The jolt that takes you from sleeping to dread, from bed to crib at 2 a.m. to put your hand on the back of a sleeping baby?

Is it the need to flee from wherever you are and hug your child when you hear news of a school shooting, a fire, a car accident, a baby dying?

I think so.

So this is for all the mothers who sat down with their children and explained all about making babies. And for all the mothers who wanted to but just couldn't.

This is for reading "Goodnight, Moon" twice a night for a year. And then reading it again, "Just one more time".

This is for all the mothers who mess up. Who yell at their kids in grocery store and swat them in despair and stomp their feet like a tired two year old who wants ice cream before dinner.

This is for all the mothers who taught their children to tie their shoelaces before they started to school and for all the mothers who opted for Velcro instead.

For all the mothers who bite their lips (sometimes until they bleed) when their 14 year olds dyed their hair green.

This is for all the mothers who lock themselves in the bathroom when babies keep crying and won't stop.

This is for all mothers who show at work with spit-up in their hair and milkstains on their blouses and diapers in their purse.

This is for mothers who teach their sons to cook and their daughters to sink a jump shot.

This is for all mothers whose heads turn automatically when a little voice calls "Mom?" in a crowd, even though they know their own offspring are at home or are grown.

This is for mothers who put pinwheels and teddy bears on their children's graves.

This is for all the mothers whose children have gone astray and who can't find words to reach them.

This is for all the mothers who sent their child to school with a stomach ache, assuring that they would be just FINE once they got there, only to get a call from the school nurse an hour later asking them to please pick them up right away.

This is for young mothers stumbling through diaper changes and sleep deprivation. And mature mothers learning to let go.

For working moms and stay-at-home moms. Single mothers and married mothers.

Mothers with money and mothers without.
This is for you, so hang in there. The world would be a terrible place without the love of mothers everywhere. You make it a more civil, caring and safe place for the precious children in our world.

Author Unknown

Cheesy, but that's how to make IT last!

This summer has been jam packed with activities, from delivering a baby and moving twice to interning and attending law firm social events. Jose's been busy with the latter, along with working full time. So some days we'll only see each other for about 15 minutes, if at all. I'm trying to get used to being an attorney's wife, as silly as that sounds. Mentally, he definitely has it harder. But sometimes I really miss him. Since we have so little time alone, I've been trying to come up with some ideas on how to better communicate with Jose, without having to necessarily see him or talk to him on the phone. When we can't give each other a hug in person, we right each other cheesy blog posts.

Blog posts? Ha! That's right. Idea number one. I told Jose we should create a blog that only we have access to, so that we can write notes to each other and then read them when we aren't able to talk or see each other. Kind of like passing notes in class, except we don't have to worry about the teacher catching us and reading the note out loud! ;)

...But here I am posting a snippet of a note/post he wrote me last night! (I hope you don't mind, Jose ;)! I just feel so lucky to have a sweet man in my life who loves me this much and still makes my heart swoon and say "aww"! I'm not gonna lie, one of the things that first attracted me to Jose was how nicely he expressed himself on paper. So, instead of being love at first sight, for us it was love at first read :).

Here it is:

As I was driving home, I ended up doing what you did while you got lost that one time in the hills. I'd drive up and down, and every time I'd go up, I'd see all of downtown Austin's lights. It reminded me for some reason of the times I'd sit up at the balcony at night in the dark, staring down at all of these people who had others to spend time with at night. I was alone on the quiet balcony, while the drag was all lit up, with tons of people walking around.

And it made me all the more grateful to get home and be able to give you a kiss. In fact, I was happy that you were awake... so that I could tell you I love you.

Waking up

Love is something that makes you wake up in the morning, not something you wake up and realize you're in. That's my way of lookin' at it.

We've watched two movies over the past week that seem to go against this idea. It isn't really a tough one to grasp, but it seems it's not a very popular idea to have. I'm guilty of renting or even buying the occasional sappy movie; there's something about watching people "fall in love" that makes most of us feel like our soul just got a warm cozy bath after spending a long day outside in the cold. But sometimes reality isn't cold, sometimes it's actually better than what a screenwriter can put together.

So after watching these two movies, which will remain nameless because there are many films like 'em out there, I actually felt like I was the lucky one. I didn't feel a pang of loneliness set in when the credits began to roll.

Why?

Because both of these films depict love as some kind of thing that people sort of end up with coincidentally, if they're lucky -- like winning the lottery, almost (and it certainly isn't that). They wake up and, suddenly (Really? Suddenly?), the world is right. In the film, it finally occurs to the actor that they've been dating their soul mate for 10 years, so it's okay to get married, they guess. The character spent their life looking for this someone, and, somehow, they blindly dated so many wrong someones for so long (thinking they were "the one, maybe" the whole time!). It's an exhausting process. Their collection of broken hearts makes Beanie Baby collectors look like they shouldn't be ashamed of having spent so much money on products that no one cares about any more. Harsh? Well, that's pretty much what happens in some of these films.

So how is reality better than this? Thankfully, real love isn't some thing. What we know as human love is actually the outline of God's shadow. We haven't seen him, so don't know what perfect love looks like, exactly, but we have an idea of what it is. When we catch a glimpse of that love in someone else, just a shadow of his love, we're attracted to it. It's as natural as breathing.

We're all wired to love and want to receive love; anyone who denies this has been hurt before -- there's no denying that. I truly believe you can't be unsure of love because when it's sincere, it's obvious. It's the pink elephant in the room, minus the awkwardness and negative associations usually held with the term. Still, someone could say it might take a person awhile to realize its existence in their life, and that would be true, but that doesn't change the fact that it was already there from the beginning.

So it seems the only time I saw any semblance of love in these two films was at the end. No, not when the characters acknowledged they were "in love", but after that. During the rolling of the credits. White words against a solid black background, moving down a screen right before our eyes. Love is that obvious.

Righteous anger: Not an oxymoron after all...

Below is an excerpt taken from a book called "Love Walked Among Us: Learning to Love Like Jesus" by Paul E. Miller. It's such a good good book! I think everyone should read it. Whether you're convinced that Christianity is an unloving religion that a bunch of hypocritical judgmental people follow (and you want to know the truth behind the faith--that it's not unloving), or you're wanting to understand Jesus' love more (and how we can love like him), you'll find a lot of wisdom in here.

Anyway, I've had a really hard time understanding how a loving, peaceful God (lamb) could get so angry at church (the temple). I always wondered how it was that overturning tables wasn't considered "sinning in anger". This side of Jesus seemed kind of scary to me before. But this book does a good job of explaining the situation; Christ's anger was righteous because it was linked to his desire to have ALL people come to know him and not perish.

I had no idea that the outer courts of the temple were reserved for Gentiles. (The outer courts is where people turned the church into a 'swap meet'.) And back then, Gentiles were not respected because they were viewed as "sinners". So the fact that Jesus gets mad at these shop keepers for selling items where the Gentiles worship makes sense--it foreshadows what the purpose of the resurrection is/was: That EVERYONE should be able to come to Jesus and be saved. These shop keepers represented the sin that kept people from coming to God, and Jesus was acting out his anger toward that sin when he overturned the tables.

Also, there was TONS of legalism in the church at this time and the high priests believed that only their lambs were pure enough to be sacrificed; these lambs were sold in the outer courts. But Jesus was the ultimate perfect sacrifice, and the high priests missed the point because they were money hungry and legalistic, another legitimate reason why Jesus got angry.

Anyhow, here's the excerpt from the book, it describes the situation a little better... I think it's quite eye-opening...

Good Rage:
Now let's look at Jesus when he is at his angriest. This incident took place just before Passover, a few days before Jesus death:

On reaching Jerusalem, Jesus entered the temple area and began driving out those who were buying and selling there. He overturned the tables of the money changers and the benches of those selling doves... He said, Is it not written: 'My house will be called a house of prayer of all nations'? But you have made it a den of robbers. Mark 11:15,17

One man, by the sheer force of his anger, kicks over tables, thundering in rage, "My house will be called a house of prayer for all nations, but you are making it a den of robbers." The commercialization of religion angers Jesus. The worship of God has been turned into the worship of money. The din of clanking change has replaced the sounds of heartfelt prayer. The kingdom of noise had replaced the kingdom of God.

Jews came from all over the Roman world and beyond to worship in the Jerusalem temple. When they changed their money in order to buy lambs for the sacrifice, the priests received kickbacks. This angered Jesus.

The Law of Moses prescribed that a lamb sacrificed in payment for sins had to be perfect, but the priests said that only their lambs were perfect--so the Jews had to purchase their lambs, giving the religious professionals a tidy profit, as monopolies usually do. This hurt the poor most of all, and it made Jesus angry.

All of this commerce took place in the outer court of the temple, which was reserved for prayer by other ethnic groups. (Only Jews went into inner courts). The ancient prophecies said that one day the Jews would bring salvation to 'all' people. Israel would be the door through which people from all nations would come to know God. But because the priests were using the outer court for commerce, the Gentiles couldn't use it to pray.

Finding strength in faith and love

photo from here

Take a look at this

Then read this (same girl)...

God is love: a simple but often difficult TRUTH to grasp!

This is the verse quoted by Lee Strobel at the end of his book, The Case for Faith. My husband and I watched the movie last night, and we both enjoyed it. We had to pause the movie here and there, though, to discuss our thoughts about the different issues that were brought up (and such good ones they were, watch it!). The two big issues are/were those regarding the existence of a truly loving God in a world filled with suffering and the often-controversial core Christian belief that Jesus truly is The Way, The Truth, and The Life. Now, I'm not writing this to start any kind of debate or curse anyone to hell, in fact, I'm here to talk about my aversion to both of those things, particularly the latter.

When Lee Stroble and the theologians he interveiwed used the crucifixtion to explain God's intensely real love in a world filled with sin and pain, Jose paused the movie for a second. He said something I've already heard before, but he said it in a much more obvious way. It's true that God's people are his bride and he is the bridegroom, it's mentioned in the Bible and repeatedly discussed among Christians -- but what if we were to simplify that even more?

Let's put it in much more 'human' terms. God's love for us is like a husband's love for his wife; it's very romantic, actually. It is unconditional, steadfast and faithful. He wants to woo us so that we love him with abandon; he gave us the most beautiful rose, the promise of everlasting life, and he wore a crown of thorns to prove it.

Jesus. Here is a perfect man who said he came to save the world, not condemn it. And there we are -- lost and confused, wanting change in our hearts and the hearts in those around us, but we are a slave to our human condition and we can only do so much. We have abandoned our God for things that, in the end, only cause us more suffering. It's a vicscious cycle and we want out, but when the issue of hell arises, we're angry that any 'god' could send people he supposedly loves to such a dark and insufferable place. It's as if hell is the major roadblock to people accepting that Jesus is the perfect and loving son of God, next to suffering. (For a great explanation on suffering's existence and how it doesn't contradict with the reality of a loving God, read The Case for Faith!)

But Jesus didn't focus on hell when he was on Earth, he focused on the promise of Heaven and hope. He did correct those who damned people to hell, though. Think of Mary Magdalene, the prostitute he rescued while she was being stoned, he claimed that no one was worthy of stoning her. He corrected the Pharisees, men who falsely advertised their supposed 'faith' and 'allegiance' to God with their (very corrupt) "pious" ways, but they totally missed THE POINT -- Jesus. He literally made friends with sinners and the sick; leopers that no one would touch, he healed. People that no one would associate with, he befriended and called disciples. He outstretched his hand - actually, both of them - the very same ones that were nailed to a cross not only to save, but to express his (literal) undying love for every one of those sinners. Death (and resurrection in this case) is the ultimate sacrifice for sins, the ultimate display of real love.

Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.
John 15:13

Jesus. Here is a man who longs for us similar to (but stronger than) the way a groom longs for his earthly bride; he would do anything to save her, even if it means undergoing the most painful and undeserved death. Here is a man who, when you say I'm sorry (even though you've cheated on him with sin, and let's admit it, we've all screwed up!) -- he never brings up that wrongdoing again! Even if you feel guilty about it, you shouldn't, because he's already forgotten about it.

For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more.
Hebrews 8:12

But so many of us have this image of an angry and difficult to please God who's always on our back about something, we forget that he is on our side and that he has our back. I am guilty of this. Growing up criticized again and again, and verbally abused even for the littlest things, I developed a somewhat distorted view of God. Unfortunately, the Bible was sometimes used to condone this criticism, and even though I tried my best to follow God in my youth, I often felt I could never please him. I heard that God loved me, but it was hard to truly believe just how much, especially when I felt I wasn't good enough.

In turn, I wasn't sure who was right and who was wrong, so I asked God to show me; I asked him to make himself real to me, I wanted to know who he really was. When I went to college and left that emotionally unhealthy environment, it was easier for me to see the truth. Now that I look back, I realize he was there all along. With my weak human strength, I could not have made it. I felt so desperate for a solution and lonely at times, but those were the moments I literally cried out to God. Even though I didn't understand him, I knew he was there and that was enough to get me through a rough childhood alive, emotionally and very much physically too. Being able to look back and clearly see that is part of my answered prayer, and God continues to make himself known to me every day.

Still, there are moments the guilt unexpectedly creeps in. Sometimes it comes after I've already asked for forgiveness for a wrongdoing (i.e., saying something hurtful, thinking something unloving), and other times the guilt resurfaces when I've picked at the scab of an old wound (I get stuck thinking about the past). I'm glad I can take comfort in this verse:

Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.
Isaiah 43:18-19

I don't believe I'm sugarcoating the message of Jesus when I say that his love (and not condemnation) should be emphasized when we minister to people, both with our actions and words. He came to offer grace and forgiveness; he came to save and not condemn. Remember, it is said...

If you had known what these words mean, 'I desire mercy, not sacrifice,' you would not have condemned the innocent.
Matthew 12:7

Jesus begins his ministry in the heart of the individual, he reaches out to us in very personal ways. If we are curious in the least bit, if we want to better understand who God really is, he will reveal himself to us if and when we ask. However, as followers of Christ, when we condemn anyone to hell, we are creating a roadblock for God to reveal himself in their heart, because that condmenation hardens it. After all, Jesus interceded on Mary Magdalene's behalf, he saved her from the stoning, so who are we to cast the first stone? By doing so we are only contradicting Christ and, at that point, we sincerely have to ask ourselves whose side we're on.

This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers.
1 John 3:16

because You're here.

There's something simmering on the stove every day
and
I'm thankful for the dirty dishes.


Against an old cold wall
there is a used couch,
with worn but inviting cushions.


There are crumbs sprinkled across the floor,
and paid bills in the drawer...
Snowfalls outside our window,
And books for books, in piles.


But there are no questions
Or
sealed boxes
in the
small closets
whose doors never close.


There are no flecks of insecurity
clinging like dust
to tired childhood belongings.


There is a peace
that comes with seeing
an unopened box of tissues...
next to my pillow
(next to you).


This is home:
With confidence and empty wallets
we can open the front door and smile,
even if and especially when
uncertainty rings like a desperate salesman.

1 year anniversary

the hubby and me

"Seahorses are monogamous, picking one mate for life. Daily greeting rituals include the male and female coming together each morning, dancing and changing color, twirling around with linked tails, and then separating for the rest of the day."  Taken from here