Mirabel is finally asleep! I know it's funny that my last post was about her new glorious sleeping habits. Though she is 100% weaned, her sleep patterns are very sensitive. My mom came to visit over the weekend, and Mirabel gets so attached to her--to quite a few people, really. I've never seen a kid get so clingy with people before. She gets to the point where she doesn't even want to go to sleep, because she doesn't want them to go (even if they are still there while she is asleep). On top of that, goodbyes have always been somewhat traumatic for her. She's been like that since I could remember.
Anyhow, these past few days she hasn't wanted to nap. It's like she's scared that I'll disappear while she's asleep. I wish I could talk to her about it. We try, but I'm not sure how much she actually understands.
After reading Ali's blog post today, it made me realize that I'm not actually the only mom who has her own crying sessions! What a relief ;)! Today I had one. I try so hard to make this child happy. But sometimes I feel like she's the boss that can't be pleased. Motherhood is all about that though, right? You just give and give, and when they can't talk it's hard because they can't express their appreciation (and when they can talk, there are other issues that arise ;). You'll never hear a toddler say, "Mommy, I know my screaming fit at the store really embarrassed you today. I know you feel like a bad mom. But I love you no matter what! I'm not mad at you, I'm mad because I can't express my emotions any other way!" So, instead, we have to give ourselves little pep talks. Stop and pray for a moment, then realize that this is true love.
When I finally looked up from my lunch plate after shedding a few tears, I noticed the sign on our wall, right above our dining room table. It says "Love: Unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another." And to that I said AMEN! Motherhood is all about giving and giving, even when you're exhausted and you feel like you don't have much left to give. That's why it's important to have a support system. At the root of that support system should be the Heavenly Father, the one who truly understands what it's like to give to his children and not get much in return. But there are other key relationships, too.
I truly wish I had a mom figure in town. It would be so wonderful. But instead, I have made a few friends who help boost my spirits while they share their own toddler tales with me. Until a few weeks ago, there was still something missing. A feeling of connection with our church.
We ended up switching churches, to find something closer to home, in every sense of the word. The people were kind at our old church, but we just weren't connecting. I'm not sure if our culture had anything to do with it, maybe it was even our age, but fellowship was something we were longing for, trying for, and weren't getting...until a few weeks ago.
We found a church about 2 miles away from home that feels like it could be our second home. An answer to prayer came just after we started attending. I looked in the bulletin and noticed there was a "Moms Mentoring Moms" group/meeting about to start. I attended the first meeting last Thursday, and I have to say, I think this is going to turn out to be what I've been needing in my life.
Some sweet older lady came up to us around our second visit to the church. It's funny because I actually thought to myself, "Maybe she can be like a grandma to Mirabel." She was talking about Mirabel and she seemed very sweet and open; this generous lady had a warmth about her that was very grandmotherly. To my surprise (actually, I wanted to laugh) when I attended the first Moms Mentoring Moms meeting, I discovered that she was the host/co-leader! On top of that, she finished the meeting by saying, "When I was a young mom and wife, I didn't have anyone to look up to (connect with). But I admired a few women in the church. They didn't know this, but I would take note of how they behaved as mothers and wives; how they cooked and kept their homes. They have no idea, but they were my mentors. Now I want to be your mentor. If you ever need a meal, or someone to talk to, we [her and the co-leader] want to be the people you come to." They both talked about how much they enjoyed being grandmothers, and how they wished there was a group like this for them when they were young mothers. Like I said, after hearing their speech I really wanted to laugh. What an answer to prayer. And how funny that it turned out to be the exact woman I'd considered adopting as Mirabel's "local" grandma just a few weeks beforehand! Maybe I can tell her that one of these days.
Being a stay at home mom these days, I think, is a bit harder than it used to be. I think it's because we're more disconnected as a culture. Communities aren't what they used to be, from what I've heard. Not that I would know from first hand experience, but a friend of mine shared how her mom befriended the neighbor... [this post is now being interrupted by a nap that was cut too short... Pressing "Save Now." I'll be back soon!] They would often watch each other's children, etc. My grandmother had a similar experience with a few people that lived close by. I know my neighbors, but they are the quiet sort. We chit chat here and there, but you can usually tell when people would rather keep their garage door closed than open.
You'd expect more from churches. But not all of them are inviting, I know. It takes some time to get connected, or to find a place that you feel is sincere in its faith. But I'm hoping we've found a place we can become rooted in, because a similar last name isn't the only thing that makes family. And I really believe we weren't meant to do this [parenting] on our own.
