Love Letter

I may not always know what's wrong, but I'll trust the one who's always right because he gave me you.

I may not understand the reason behind all of your tears, but I'll find a way to make you smile, or simply hold you until they run dry (when I've run out of ideas).

When you're begging for attention by clinging to my leg as baskets full of wrinkled clothing morph into mountains of unfolded laundry--I'll still choose you. Each new day brings the same set of chores, but you change every day. (And I can trust you'll grow faster than piles of laundry, anyway.)

When we've both had a long day and you're screaming in the tub or fighting sleep, I'll remember that you taught me how to give the perfect hug. Nothing compares to those sweet, unexpected moments when your head of curls rests against my shoulder while your tiny arms wrap around me tightly. The truth is, you're not fighting me--just the nap or just the bath--but us? We are on the same team.

My little girl, I love the way your skin and hair still smell like baby. To me, I think they always will.

I love you, it's as simple as that. Never forget it.

Feeling like a failure :(

So we all know that bfing was a major struggle at the beginning. I was seriously on the verge of giving up because of how painful it was. Well, now it's a breeze; completely painless...except, breastmilk is pretty much the only thing my kid will eat.

BIG PROBLEM! Why? She is unbelievably anemic. So anemic that her hemoglobin levels are half of what they should be and the doctor said that if Mirabel's levels had just randomly dropped to where they are now, she'd need a trasfusion.

I tried giving her that nasty ferinsol, but she has such a sensitive gag reflex that she makes herself throw up if she doesn't like the way something tastes. She even throws up on those strawberry and vanilla flavored toddler drinks! I am so desperate. I've tried making the baby food myself, buying those gourmet organic ones, etc., but all she eats is cheese and blueberries (ok, maybe other fruits but that is it!). I even tried disguising the iron in chocolate breastmilk. Yes, I pumped and added chocolate syrup to my milk. I also tried grape juice. Jose taste-tested that one and he said the grape juice disguised the flavor well, but Mirabel still gagged on it???!!!

The doctor said I have to work on weaning her. I have tried a lot. Seriously, this kid is unbelievably stubborn. I will offer her food instead of milk but she just shakes her head no and turns her head away. Then she screams and screams. We've even tried taking her outside. Sometimes she will accept some food, but she will only eat up to a certain point and then cry and cry until I nurse her.

I know I'm not the only one who's struggled with a toddler who doesn't like solids, but I've never met anyone whose toddler relies primarily on breastmilk for their nutrients. And breastmilk hardly has any iron.

I found a natural iron supplement. I'm going to give it a try; iherb says it's tasty (well, the customers do). I'm just praying it passes the Mirabel taste test.

I feel like a failure for many reasons. The first one is that I had really bad anemia when I was pregnant. I took the iron supplements, but I didn't start taking them until well into the pregnancy, when my levels were already so low I had issues just walking down the street without feeling like passing out. It also gave me horrible stomachaches. I did take it anyway, and thankfully my levels were normal at the end of the pregnancy, but still, I'm sure my anemia took its toll on her little body. The other thing, I don't know why breastfeeding has always brought so many problems!!!! I know formula is iron-enriched, and I don't know a formula fed baby who hates food. Yes, I realize the benefits of breastfeeding are long term, but if it's so natural and wonderful then why does it have to be so challenging? And why does it not contain enough iron?!

I really needed to get this off my chest (no pun intended :P). I am just so anxious and worried. I'm praying this supplement helps, because I don't want Mirabel to have to suffer :(. God forbid that her levels drop any further and she needs a trasfusion or suffers cognitive delays :(.

Ideas?

So here's our bedroom. The framed photos were free images from the Graphics Fairy. Frames were from Walmart, spray painted 2 of them white. Night stands are from Home Goods. Dresser from Craig's List (painted). All other misc items (lamp --ha not pictured, crystal type stuff) were gifts. Other little knicknacks purchased at the thrift store. I was never really a fan of black...until my mother in law gave me this bedspread when I moved in. I thought it was pretty and Jose liked it, so I decided to give our room a more gender neutral theme. We both like nature, heck, who doesn't like nature? So the nature-y theme it is. I like those vintagey bird egg paintings above the bed. Oh, and the "Mr and Mrs" signs hanging on the right and left sides of that black frame (with our vows) were Etsy finds. The names are engraved on tree stumps! Oh yeah, and the green pillow is a Cambridge find; found it at a Tibetan/Indian shop back in Boston. Might add more pillows. Any more ideas on how I can spruce up the room a bit more?

Speaking of pillows, our living room is begging for them! I've just been to lazy to sew some pillow covers. This place is so naked! I just bought the basic furniture on Craig's List. Every item purchased was under $50! Hopefully it doesn't look like it too much ;). I need to add more to the walls, I think. Maybe get some curtains later. Again, pillows are a must. Oh yes, and I need to find something cute to put the toys in other than a playpen. But the playpen is also blocking a fun outlet with a bunch of cords (that Mirabel would otherwise chew on/play with if it was exposed)...I think the toys and the frilly pink playpen are my favorite part of the whole deal ;).

But oh, the light! The natural light makes up for so much :)!!

360

Our lives have taken a complete turn. Definitely for the better. We actually get quite a bit of sunshine here! :) Our living room no longer feels like a dark and lonely cave. Now it's a light and bright place, frequently filled with visiting friends and family. Why? Well, we're a lot further south now (Texas) and we are no longer 2000 miles away from family.

Jose and I actually got to go on a date for the first time in a year about a week ago! It wasn't anything fancy, just a quick tea/coffee run and brief trip to a new, cool grocery store (it's funny how so much of what we do revolves around food :D). The best part was that Mirabel loved staying with my parents for that short hour. She was all smiles when we walked in the door. Next time, dinner!

I've been kind of quiet on here. Been busy settling in. Unpacking was an adventure. We also had to restock our kitchen and buy a few other basic household amenities. Though we aren't home owners, I have to say that living in a house is much more relaxing. It's nice to not have to worry about who you're bothering at night when your kid is screaming. Oh, and decorating is fun too! One man's trash is another man's treasure, that's our mantra. Craig's list, thrift shops, your neighbor's recycling bin...it all goes 'round here ;)!

Back to that later. There are more exciting events worth discussing at the moment :). Mirabel did take her first steps before her first birthday, but now she's running everywhere. She's always been the type of kid who HATES sitting still (or being bored, this child requires constant stimulation). She once preferred being carried to being locked up in a stroller. The car seat was even worse (...until a portable DVD player/Elmo saved the day. We used to vow we'd never own one [dvd player, not Elmo :P], but I'd like to keep my hearing.).

Now that Miss Mirabel is walking/sprinting/skipping/dancing, being in a grocery cart (or even being carried) is just torture. There are too many cool and exciting things to grab! Oh, and if it's something like a scented candle that she can sneak her fingers into and then nibble on (yep, that happened, and we bought the candle after :), or if it's a big ol' bike resting right next to an equally large sign--she'll want to touch it (or knock it over, or [even better] eat it!).

In fact, the other day we were shopping and she knocked over a bike AND a sign. I turned to look at something for literally 1 second and the next thing I know I've got a cowboy telling me that I need to watch my kid or she'll hurt someone. Nope, he didn't say SHE might get hurt, instead, he said she might injure someone (even though you and everyone else here in TX, Mr. Cowboy, are like 6.5 feet tall and she's not even 3 feet). ::Sigh:: Oh, and she screams too. So if I try to pick her up and pull her away from any potential danger, she will stiffen up and scream. Then the looks follow. I've become THAT parent with THAT kid. Please be kind to us; it's a lot harder than it looks, OK Mr. Cowboy?!

Because she's got all that energy, Mirabel is a lot happier here. She's actually got plenty o' space to run around, and even an actual back yard. She doesn't care if it's 105 degrees out, Mirabel loves being outside and going on walks. There will be drops of sweat dripping down her face and she'll still be smiling. I also found out that she loves to play with toy cars. I've got a tough little woman on my hands. Oh, but she is sweet, too! She picks up her doll and holds it in a cute cradling position then gives it a bottle. She also cuddles anything soft, holds it up to her neck, gives it a squeeze and goes "awww". A tough and gentle woman when she wants to be, but I can't say she won't hurt a fly (don't forget what Mr. Cowboy said ;).

We checked out a boot store over the weekend. I couldn't resist. I saw the pink boots. I didn't buy them, though. I've learned my lesson; their feet grow so fast! But I did snap a pic (and there she is pulling on the shirts):

It feels good to finally be settled in. The boxes are unpacked and this place feels more like home now. Back to an old topic: I'm on a mission to decorate on a budget. So far, our room is set; the living room and play room still need work but I don't mind having the empty spaces. After 3 years of Boston apartment living, I actually kind of like it (I love running around in here more than Mirabel, I tell ya :).

The pics of our room are around here somewhere. I'll post those later. A friend of ours gave us some chairs before we left Boston. Here's a before/after pic of that project. Spray paint (from Walmart) and upholstery fabric (on sale, 40% off!) did the trick, for the most part. As you can see, my upholstery skills need a little work, but the chairs were free and I couldn't resist starting another project (actually, I can't resist anything free, who am I kidding?)! It was fun. Gained experience and love the fun, cheerful colors :)!

Hope you all are enjoying the summer so far :)!

Closing Time

I think that was actually my high school graduation song. It was that or Here's to the Night by Eve 6. Anyhow, we're done here! Wow! I'm still in a state of disbelief. It's not that I didn't think Jose would graduate :D, of course he would! It's more that I can't imagine what it's like to not be a student's wife. The whole time Jose and I have known each other, one of us was a student. It will be nice to have relatively free weekends now; no more having to set a big portion of our time aside for studying. Yessss!!! I think that's one of the things I'm most excited about. :)

But (and I think Jose will laugh at me for saying this) I'm a tad bit sad. Just a tad. Every time I move, I feel like I leave a piece of myself behind. Yes, I'm looking forward to living in a larger place with Central AC. Yes, it'll definitely be nice not having to deal with snowstorms and random power outages in the dead of winter. And yes, I will love not having to drive down primarily one-way streets that go this way and that to accomodate the layout of ancient buildings (I adore historic buildings, but driving on these crazy streets is another story...). But I will miss the beautiful Spring and Fall days. I'll be a little sad to leave behind the memories we've made here. This is where we grew the most as a couple; where I found out I was pregnant; where our first kiddo took their first steps; where we met some great friends. Then I remember that progress requires moving forward, and that inevitably means leaving some things behind.

Now we can begin establishing a foundation for our family, or firmly planting our roots. That will be strange for me, considering I've moved a billion times throughout my life (exaggeration ;). I'm very, very excited about that. I'm also a little intimidated at the thought. Then I realize we can still travel, so there really is no need to get antsy. When we feel the need to get up and go, we can pack a few things up and take a road trip with the kiddo(s). (Yeah, I like that. I actually love that idea. Wow! No more having to dread the exhausting packing/unpacking and moving process that takes place every few years.) There are also airplanes and trains. Love those too.

Sunday we'll leave Cambridge on an airplane; Jose leaves Tuesday in our carito. He'll then drive down to Austin with his dad. I'll be flying back to TX with my mom. This has been a hectic week, with the graduation and hosting our families. It will be nice to finally be settled down together next Saturday. I think that's when it will all sink in.

More Digital Scrap

...I have a scrapbook that I started for Mirabel, but it's just too messy and time-consuming to cut things out. I've resorted to doing it digitally. And that only happens every once in awhile now. But I had to do one to document her first birthday and the day she took her first steps. Technically, her first 2 steps were the 13th, but she took quite a few more on her actual birthday. She's still getting the hang of it but she can walk half way across the living room now :). Yay!

Dresser Before and After

We bought an affordable dresser on Craig's List a few years ago. We purchased it for its size; it's fairly tall and wide. It's also a nice piece of solid wood furniture. Only thing is, "nice" isn't exactly the word I'd use to describe the way this highboy used to look. It was pretty ugly, actually. But it was an antique, so I couldn't throw it out. I thought a few coats of paint could transform it.

Jose wanted to throw it out, though :P! I asked him if I could have some time to give it a make-over around Mother's Day weekend. He still thought it was ugly and that it couldn't be beautified, but he knew how much I wanted to give it a make-over, so he said yes to giving me the time (aka watching Mirabel). I also convinced him that we should do it before our big move, since it would be a pain for him to lug it up and down the stairs by himself without help from the movers.

I couldn't have done it without the help of Sarah from Lollies Abode (and also my husband, who sanded the monster down)! She is a furniture make-over master. All her projects always look so fun and beautiful! Thanks for the tips, Sarah, they sure helped! Now, here are those before and after shots I promised to share with you :).